Give up, give in... or give it everything you've got.

GIVING UP:

I've always wanted to make something out of my life...

and for the past 4 years i really thought... i was doing just that.

I started my first serious job at the age of 23 when i was fresh from school...

I was a part time musician and aspiring "Business Man"

I was given the opportunity to handle responsibilities that were way beyond me. 

Being able to screw up and learn from it is truly priceless.

Travelled to faraway places for work, learning their different business and local cultures.

I wasn't getting a huge paycheck ... but cant say i was poorly compensated monetarily.

So why after 4 years, at the age of 26, do i feel like a confused drone?

I always felt incompetent in my work, i do my job, but nothing i ever do is good enough for my boss. 

This made my life a living hell as i struggled for almost a year to be happy with what i did for a living. On the surface, i was supposed to be living the life.

In reality, i was frustrated, demoralized, obese and hating myself more each day.

I cant sleep well at night... I'm constantly stressed with no apparent reason.

I drag myself out of bed in the morning... and into the office, slump into a heap in my desk and proceed to dig my own grave. 

I realize that a life in autoparts trading is not my niche no matter how hard i try.

There comes a time when no amount of money or benefits can justify my unhappiness. Thus I did the unthinkable. 

I fucking gave up.

I resigned from my job this tuesday morning at 10.30am.

GIVING IN : 

What do i feel now?

Scared Shitless.

why? 

Simply because i actually had the chance to stick with my job, carefully make it all the way to a well-planned exit and hop right into a shiny new beginning, and i DIDNT.

I gave in to that voice in my head that seemed to defy all common sense.

I want to start afresh and I am going to do it my way.

I want to believe in myself again. Get those creative juices flowing.

Masochistic as it may seem, 

i believe all life-changing decisions are fucking hard.

The tougher route may bring fresh perspective and deeper insight 

- otherwise lost if i did this in the comfort of my safety bubble.

GIVING IT ALL:

In HK movie terms... Im doing the most climatic move in a Poker table scene. The Show Hand. *gasp*

Cool thing is Im not gambling. I know this is a losing hand on the poker table.

I am relinquishing all my chips, to leave my gambling lifestyle behind. 

Things i hope to achieve in no particular order:

1) Weight loss. with a time lapse video no less for that emotional victory.

2) Become a better Photographer. Learn more and shoot more pictures.

3) Become a better Guitarist. Learn more and play more guitar.

4) Start my own business.

5) Be Happy.

I have accepted my boss's request to extend my 1 month notice to a 2.5 month notice so i can do a proper hand over to my "Replacement" 

( So my job isn't as simple as he says huh?)          

All the best to them.

Im done.

Min.